What’s the difference between a man and a
gentleman?
The word has
evolved since its beginnings in the middle ages. For several centuries, a man
could not call himself a gentleman if he made his income through manual labor. But
social pressures began to loosen in the 18th century, as found in this quote by
writer and politician, As Richard Steele quoted: “The appellation of Gentleman
is never to be affixed to a man’s circumstances, but to his behavior in them.” Today,
neither your family name nor the means with which you derive your income affect
your ability to claim the title, but the bar for gentleman-like behavior keeps
rising. A decent person
must treat people with respect, display politeness, seek consent before
contact, and eschew violence in favor of a peaceful resolution. Think of those
behaviors as the pre-requisites. To become a gentleman, you must exceed the
minimum standard.
1. Mind your gossip
Gossip is like
free porn. Once you start, it’s hard to stop. And when you finally do finish,
you’ll wish you hadn’t started. You’ll never escape gossip; it’s rooted in our
evolution. But the gentleman distinguishes between rumor and fact. He never
speaks ill of someone behind their back. A decent person refuses to take part
in disparaging gossip, but the gentleman objects to it. As stated by J.R.
Vernon in 1869, “The gentleman… will not pass over that of which he
disapproves.” He speaks up. He never spreads gossip to advance his social
status, only to warn people of potential dangers.
How A Man Becomes Gentleman: The 10 Behaviorshttps://t.co/uzbCauhlMe pic.twitter.com/4hVtOO6Ueq— HILSHAREIT (@hilshareit) April 11, 2020
2. Make others feel ridiculously
comfortable
One of the
nicest compliments I’ve ever received from a woman happened on a trip back from
a half-marathon. A group of us were getting on a train, and she asked to sit
with me. I said yes, but I must have sounded doubtful. She then added, “I feel
comfortable around you.” To any of you
aspiring gentleman about to scream, she’s friend-zoning you, let me put your
fears to rest. I was already married. And even if I wasn’t, what women would
want to date a man she didn’t feel comfortable with? It’s not just touchy-feely
or inappropriate comments that make others feel uncomfortable.
Over-sensitivity, high-strung behavior, and holding others to impossible
standards produce the same effect. Follow these guidelines to make others feel
comfortable in your presence:
- Never touch someone (male or female) without explicit consent.
- Allow people their personal space.
- Don’t be so quick to point out the faults of others.
- If someone screws up, offer honest critique and encouragement instead of rebuke.
- Stay above the fray. Play the role of mediator.
3. Dress like you give a shit
Years back, I
went on a ski trip with a bunch of friends. One of my female friends met a guy
on the slopes. They hit it off, and he agreed to meet up with us in the lodge
later that evening. The guy came
downstairs wearing a ripped t-shirt and baggy shorts (without underwear). Maybe
he thought it looked cool, but to the rest of us, it looked like he didn’t give
a shit. When he sat, from a certain angle, you could see his equipment. And I’m
not referring to his ski equipment. He blew his chance. Don’t spend ridiculous
sums of money or dress-up for every occasion. But dress like you care enough to
make a good impression.
4. Hold doors
As I stepped
into a coffee shop this morning, the person trailing me seemed far enough away
that I could allow the door to close without feeling like I committed a social
faux pas. Or was he? These
uncertainties stress me out, so I waited an extra three seconds and held the
door for the guy. He said thank you and insisted I get in line ahead of him. Think of holding
the door in both a literal and metaphorical sense. Get in the habit of letting
cars merge in front of you. Allow someone to go first if they appear rushed.
None of us can
claim a perfect record on all ten of these qualities, myself included. In that
way, we’re always on the destination and never at the finish line. And that’s
the most important rule of all. Always try and do better. That’s the true mark
of a gentleman.
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